My knickers are in a twist.
I am a massive proponent of common courtesy, good manners, and proper etiquette. We all know to put our napkin in our lap and chew with our lips closed. We all know that it is polite to say yes ma'am and yes sir. And we all know that it is important to write prompt, hand-written thank you notes. Why then, I must ask, is proper etiquette in the paper realm so lacking?
One of the best things about winter that I look forward to more than anything {well, it is a close second behind snuggling up in cozy pj's with a huge mug of piping hot chocolate and marshmallows} is opening Christmas cards. There is something so wonderful and special about seeing everyone's families, recent news, and life updates. I just love them! BUT a little {BIG} grey cloud overshadows my moment when I read the order of the names and they are incorrectly written.
I know that it is the thought that really counts, and I agree with that, yet some of you might be thinking I am crazy or flat out rude to be pointing this out. If you are of that mindset then don't ever buy any of Miss Manner's books as she will promptly whip you into shape. Others might not even have the faintest idea what I am talking about. Why is name order a big deal or even on my radar for that matter? If you know what the appropriate etiquette is, improper name order is as glaringly obvious and inappropriate as not doing any of those first things I listed: smacking your food. Elbows on the table. Not saying please and thank you. Major no-no's people!! This is the paper equivalent. I will elaborate further with the official rule to get everyone on the same page. If you have sent me a Christmas card this year, pay attention! Only TWO have been correct! Don't worry I will still be your friend. Ok here we go:
Crane's Blue Book of Social Stationery, Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, and Crane's Wedding Blue Book all verify this longstanding etiquette rule. So why does hardly anyone seem to know about it these days?!
Now that I have presented this loud and clear, I want everyone to understand there shall be no more of this: Merry Christmas! Love, Biz, Sheridan, and Big Squish. Nonsense. Furthermore, if you have children, this is officially the correct format below, however, if you list all names on the same line it is technically still deemed appropriate as long as the wife's name is first.
I am a massive proponent of common courtesy, good manners, and proper etiquette. We all know to put our napkin in our lap and chew with our lips closed. We all know that it is polite to say yes ma'am and yes sir. And we all know that it is important to write prompt, hand-written thank you notes. Why then, I must ask, is proper etiquette in the paper realm so lacking?
One of the best things about winter that I look forward to more than anything {well, it is a close second behind snuggling up in cozy pj's with a huge mug of piping hot chocolate and marshmallows} is opening Christmas cards. There is something so wonderful and special about seeing everyone's families, recent news, and life updates. I just love them! BUT a little {BIG} grey cloud overshadows my moment when I read the order of the names and they are incorrectly written.
I know that it is the thought that really counts, and I agree with that, yet some of you might be thinking I am crazy or flat out rude to be pointing this out. If you are of that mindset then don't ever buy any of Miss Manner's books as she will promptly whip you into shape. Others might not even have the faintest idea what I am talking about. Why is name order a big deal or even on my radar for that matter? If you know what the appropriate etiquette is, improper name order is as glaringly obvious and inappropriate as not doing any of those first things I listed: smacking your food. Elbows on the table. Not saying please and thank you. Major no-no's people!! This is the paper equivalent. I will elaborate further with the official rule to get everyone on the same page. If you have sent me a Christmas card this year, pay attention! Only TWO have been correct! Don't worry I will still be your friend. Ok here we go:
RULE: WHEN USING FIRST NAMES, THE WIFE'S NAME IS ALWAYS FIRST.
Read it again.
When using first names,
THE WIFE'S NAME IS ALWAYS FIRST.
NOT. THE. HUSBAND'S.
Read it again.
When using first names,
THE WIFE'S NAME IS ALWAYS FIRST.
NOT. THE. HUSBAND'S.
Crane's Blue Book of Social Stationery, Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, and Crane's Wedding Blue Book all verify this longstanding etiquette rule. So why does hardly anyone seem to know about it these days?!
Now that I have presented this loud and clear, I want everyone to understand there shall be no more of this: Merry Christmas! Love, Biz, Sheridan, and Big Squish. Nonsense. Furthermore, if you have children, this is officially the correct format below, however, if you list all names on the same line it is technically still deemed appropriate as long as the wife's name is first.
Merry Christmas!
Lots of love,
Sheridan and Biz French
Big Squish and Baby
Lots of love,
Sheridan and Biz French
Big Squish and Baby
Got it? Good. Man I can't wait to open Christmas cards next year.....
xoxo Sheridan
http://www.sheridanfrench.com
http://sheridanfrench.blogspot.com
Too funny - I sent our cards out last year with my name listed first and I got several "I know who wears the pants in that family" comments. Needless to say I was beyond annoyed!!!
ReplyDeleteI love this post! I learned that rule back when we sent out wedding invitations and now I notice how few people follow it! Thanks for spreading the word!
ReplyDeleteHow's name comes first when addressing who the card is to?
ReplyDeleteThis is SO helpful. I have never been formally taught this rule and have always thought it was wrong putting the woman's name first! It always felt like I was showing that my hubby is the leader by listing him first. Too bad I already ordered my cards this year... :)
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked the post! Same goes for addressing Lindsey - if using the informal (first names), then wife's name is first. When using the formal Mr. and Mrs., however, the husband's name should come first.
ReplyDeleteGreer - if improper etiquette was not to be brought to one's attention, Miss Manners should not have written her books in the first place.
Hi Sheridan,
ReplyDeleteI think the little tidbit below (whether or not it is correct) might help people remember.
I learned from a friend who worked at P.S. The Letter many, many moons ago that the wife's-name-first order exists because the man's first and last names should never be separated. I think there might be some Old English rule or something as a part of this, but regardless, his name should stay intact. That helps me remember.
Thanks for keeping us in line!
Hi, Sheridan.
ReplyDeleteJust to clarify- if our greeting card has two closing line and the parents and children are listed separately from the last name, does the "wife first" rule still apply?
The Smith Family
Mary, John, Thomas and Jane
Thanks!
Yes - with an informal manner of addressing, wife is always first!
ReplyDeleteThis is one of my biggest pet peeves, too! I am so happy to know there is someone else out there that keeps looking over her Christmas cards, shaking her head, and counting how many (or few, as the case may be) of her friends are cows chomping cud at the dinner table!! I believe I will be forwarding this post along -- thank you!
ReplyDelete