A friend from my Bible study group sent me a link to the article below yesterday and it was so wonderful I had to share. I often feel that I am not a good enough mother for my children; I hold on to a lot of feelings of inadequacy that I am simply not doing enough (I wish I had time to be room mother...yes it's not even preschool but still, I want to do that), not spending enough time with them, not making cookies every morning as my mom did for us (well, once I start making school lunches I'll definitely be baking some Paleo cookies every morning...but for now the oven is off before 9am ;), not doing all of the fun crafts that I see on Pinterest as this author mentions below... but reading this reminded me that I am good enough simply because I am Mommy. I found it very touching, and I believe all of you mothers that read this will feel the same way! We all need reminders and encouragement from others, especially other moms - at least I do - and this piece really hit the spot. I am excited to share it with you. Enjoy!
By April Perry
There’s this crazy phenomenon going on right now. Good, devoted mothers get on Pinterest . . . and blogs . . . and Facebook . . . and Twitter . . . and then they flip through parenting magazines and TV channels (full of advertisements and media hype) . . . and they’re convinced they’re not enough.
They’re convinced that everyone else has magnetic, alphabetized spice containers,
Photo source: Pinterest (http://pinterest.com/pin/274086327292186801/)
and unless their garden parties are thematically accessorized with butterfly lanterns,
Photo source: Pinterest, http://tinyurl.com/6lsuurc
and they’re wearing the latest fashions (in a size two, of course), there’s no point in even showing up for the day.
Last Saturday, this happened to me.
I came home from a lovely day out with my extended family and had serious intentions to spend the evening dyeing Easter eggs and making bunny buns.
By the time I got everyone settled and fed, however, I was so tired that I just laid on the couch and dozed while my children played and got themselves to bed.
Around 8:30, when I finally had the energy to sit up, I decided to try out Pinterest for a few minutes until my husband got home. There it was–1,000 reasons why I’m failing at all things domestic.
I don’t make grilled cheese sandwiches look like ice cream.
- Photo source: Pinterest, http://kitchenfunwithmy3sons.blogspot.com
I don’t even have seasonal throw pillows on my couches or live plants anywhere in the house.
Is it really so hard? Can’t I pull myself together and wrap some candles in green foliage and bring happiness to our decor with bright fabrics and hand-crafted photo frames?
As I was trying to calm my frenzied state of mind, my husband came home and held me tight. We talked about our day, and he told me how much he loves me and that he wants our boys to marry someone like me. I fell asleep snuggled under his arm.
The following morning, our children enthusiastically bounded into our bedroom and tucked themselves into our covers. My four-year-old gave me an arm massage, and we all sat there together–joking, laughing, planning the day ahead, and enjoying that special feeling of family. Reflecting on the discouragement I’d felt the night before, I realized that my family doesn’t care about what I see on Pinterest. They care about me.
My daughter Grace loves me to sing “Baby Mine” to her each night before bed. When I go to our Power of Moms Retreats, she misses that special ritual. We have recordings of Michael Crawford and Allison Krauss singing their versions, but Grace doesn’t want those. She wants me. So I recorded myself singing “Baby Mine” and emailed the audio file to her and to my husband so Grace can hear “her song” before she sleeps. As far as she’s concerned, my untrained voice belongs at the top of the charts.
- My daughter Grace is my “snuggliest” child. Back tickles and “Baby Mine” each night are how I show that I love her.
A few months ago, I was practicing sideways dutch braids on my two daughters. They had found these great “how-to” videos online, and we set up our comb, brush, and hair bands in front of the computer so I could become an expert.
- Photo source: www.cutegirlshairstyles.com
Half-way through the braid, my fingers got all tangled up, the hair was too loose, and one of my daughters had been sitting with her head to the side for several minutes.
Feeling extremely frustrated, I said, “That little girl in the video is so lucky to have a mom who knows how to do hair.”
My daughter stopped me in my tracks when she responded, “But I have a mom who is trying.”
- These are my two girls with the braids that took me FOREVER to do. (But I’m getting faster now, and they appreciate the fact that I’m trying.)
My mom is in her 70s, and her memory is starting to go. Her sweetness and love are as strong as ever, but when we talk on the phone, she can’t remember the last time we spoke or the last time we saw each other.
At the end of one phone call a few weeks ago, I whispered, “I miss you, Mom.”
She said, “Oh, I miss you, too! But we’ll get together soon. You can come down to the park, and we’ll get an ice cream cone at McDonald’s.”
I replied, “Yes, that will be fun.” But then the tears started, and I had to use every ounce of control to keep my voice even so she wouldn’t know I was crying.
What I really meant was, “I miss being able to talk to you, Mom. I miss laying on the grass while my children make a hopscotch and savoring our long phone conversations. I miss you remembering all those secrets I used to tell you. I miss you asking me if I’m okay. I miss seeing you read books and hearing you sing while you do the dishes and having you drive out to my house without getting lost. I miss you remembering how much I need you.”
My mother didn’t specialize in home decor or gourmet cooking, and she didn’t lift weights or run marathons. But she makes me feel like I am the most important, wonderful person ever born. If I could pick any mother in the whole world, it would be my mom.
There’s something deeper going on in family life than can ever be expressed on a social network. Whatever it is we feel we are lacking, can we collectively decide–as deliberate mothers–that we are not going to sit around feeling discouraged about all the things we’re not?
Can we remind each other that it is our uniqueness and love that our children long for? It is our voices. Our smiles. Our jiggly tummies. Of course we want to learn, improve, exercise, cook better, make our homes lovelier, and provide beautiful experiences for our children, but at the end of the day, our children don’t want a discouraged, stressed-out mom who is wishing she were someone else.
If you ever find yourself looking in the mirror at a woman who feels badly that she hasn’t yet made flower-shaped soap,
- Photo source: Pinterest, http://tinyurl.com/82k5vow
please offer her this helpful reminder: “Your children want you!”
QUESTION: How do you keep the right perspective on your importance to your family–in the midst of so many ideas and temptations to compare yourself with others?
CHALLENGE: Recognize any tendencies you might have to get wrapped up in discouragement, and set up a regular way to remind yourself that your children want you.
I hope that meant as much to you as it did to me. These are two quotes I love that I also want to share - make me cry every time I read them! Everyone have a great Thursday :)
I'm so glad you posted this today. My kids are teens and I still feel this way. Lately I've been having to cut down on my pinterest and blog reading for exactly this reason. Everyone seems to be cooking more, decorating more, starting businesses, and selling things in etsy. I finally said to myself that I needed to live my own life instead of constantly reading about everyone else's. My kids are healthy and happy and spending time with them is the most important thing right now. Thanks for the reminder.
ReplyDeleteLOVED this post - thank you :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting this beautful story, I needed it today.
ReplyDeleteThis was so sweet...and a breath of fresh air:)
ReplyDeleteThank you for this Sheridan. I needed it more than you know, now I'm trying not to cry at work, lol.
ReplyDeleteLove your blog and your ability to "keep it real",
Gretchen
Thank you for the beautiful reminder that the most important thing of all is that we're present and loving, not looking ahead to the next thing. This quote comes from my favorite essay by Anna Quindlen: "But the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three of them sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less."
ReplyDeleteLove this post! thank you so much for sharing it, it's so easy to get caught up with everything you're not able to do or be, it's helpful to know that other people get in the same rut, and to be reminded that all that matters is who you are to your family :)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing! It made me realize that my boys would much rather have me sitting in the grass playing with them than trying to recreate some impossible sandwich shape or handprint canvas. Very encouraging indeed. Happy Friday!
ReplyDeleteI really needed this today....thank you.
ReplyDeleteSuch a touching article that all moms should read!! Thanks for sharing and making me tear up! xo
ReplyDeleteLoved this! thanks so much for sharing and making me cry while reading it. I guess I struggle with being a working mom...thinking that I just dont do everything that I THINK every other mother is able to!
ReplyDeleteThis is just what I needed. This is so simple and so important to remember on hard days. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteSo how can I go about ordering the wall hanging that says "you are the only one that knows what my heart sounds like on the inside"?
ReplyDeleteKelli I wish I had a source for that! I am looking still... I will post about it if I find a good place to snag them!
ReplyDeleteWow, what a wonderful post. I find myself going a little crazy trying to plan the perfect 4th birthday for my son and every night leading up to it, he wants to play with me or snuggle on the couch and I have been telling him, "not right now buddy, mommy's busy". But why? Is it more important to have a fully decorated and themed birthday party that stresses me out...or more important to be in the moment at this time when I remember how his arrival changed my life forever? THANK YOU for this post. It just brought me back down to earth and what is REALLY important!
ReplyDelete